QuitCounter

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Day... (Losing Count)

According to my Quit Counter, I'm already on my 27th day.

So much things have happened on those days I forgot to put into writing. Am I successful so far? Let me go through what have happened the previous days.

I have a confession to make. On the 15th day, I had a Management Meeting. I already knew we shall be touching on subjects that are very crucial and quite sensitive. Someone (and something) pushed my button during the meeting which made me walk out of the room. I was shaking so bad, saw a colleague, and asked for a stick of cigarette. Then I just knew, I puffed a smoke after fifteen days! For a time, I never cared about the world. I was so frustrated that I just had to rebel.

I was still shaking after finishing a stick, but I came back to the meeting room. I presented my part and finished it till the end, just like how professionals do it.

I talked it over to the boyfriend. I was so disappointed at myself for being so weak and uncontrollable. I knew that this shall happen one day over the course of this quitting journey. What's important is that I learned from it. That's what he said.

On the 18th day, there was an early birthday party for the boyfriend's brother. Of course, there was drinking session. Hard-drinking session. Two bottles of Tequila. One small bottle of Jack Daniels and Johnny Walker each. For 5 of us. This was the official "drinking party" which I went into where I went home without even lighting a stick! I  was so proud of myself!

On the 25th day, while the boyfriend was washing the dishes after devouring our lunch, he looked at me while I was sitting at the stool near the kitchen window where I used to smoke. He looked at me while I was sipping my Yakult. He said, "Look at that. You're sitting on that stool again, and you're not smoking. You're just drinking your Yakult. I am just so proud of you!"

He was never vocal about these things, but he said it! He said it to me. He's proud of me! I just feel even moreso that this quitting is worth all the effort. I can win this.


Friday, August 1, 2014

Day 10

Ending the week was terribly tiring and yet the happiest I must say.

Work was overwhelming, then I had to renew my passport at the embassy. It sucks when I've always wanted to travel, and yet my passport doesn't have at least six months prior to expiry. So I renewed and luckily, the embassy even gave me one year extension on my passport! And that means, I can travel again!

I met the boyfriend at the city, and I gave him my long-time promise which I guess made him so happy. We had dinner at a Japanese restaurant. The main highlight of the day I guess, was when the server asked if we opt to have a smoking or non-smoking area. I immediately said, "non-smoking please."

I was having a slow clap inside my head. I am just too proud of myself.

Thursday, July 31, 2014

Day 9

While having lunch, a colleague was borrowing a lighter from me. With apologies, I said I quit smoking already. He looked at the boyfriend beside me, even shook his hand. He congratulated the boyfriend and said that he knew how stubborn I am to quit a vice as this. The colleague said, he must have done a great deal to make me quit.

In the late afternoon, I went for a quick breather because my back was already too painful from sitting in front of the computer. Smoking colleagues were chatting. The gardener saw me and asked if I've really stopped smoking. Maybe he haven't seen me for quite a while already. He laughed while he said in broken english, "It's your boyfriend ah!"

Maybe partly yes, he is.

But this is me. It was my decision. It was my own awakening to have come into this decision. And while he plays a big part of this quitting, I am doing this not for him, but for myself and the beautiful future that is ahead of me.

I guess, this kind of argument with people around me will be endless.

PS:
Coughing the whole night. Throat seems to get dry everyday.




Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Day 8

I went through the usual routine for the day.

I prepared food for us, which is catered to the boyfriend on diet. It's still good food but less on calories. We need food, or else I might resort again to being bored, and, yeah, go back to smoking. Which, I don't want to happen, ever.

I've felt I am gaining weight from this quitting. But I think after a week, I shall come back to the old healthy eating habit.

I've messaged 2 of my close friends yesterday about this big endeavor I am into. Support from the closest people around me really helps. I think they're happy for me, and hoping that I'm going to win this.

I'm still feeling a bit under the weather. It might be the monthly period. Or the onset of cold that never comes out. Or the quitting smoking part.

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Day 7

One week! One week! One week!

That seems to be worth celebrating I guess. But on second thought, why would I be celebrating for something that I should have done long time ago? Or rather, why should I be celebrating for this quitting, when I shouldn't have started it in the first place?

It was finally back to work after a long weekend. Colleagues at work kept teasing me that I'd sure come back to smoking once the boyfriend goes to New Zealand for a 9-day holiday. I'm quite confident that his holiday will affect this quitting endeavor.

I'm still feeling sick, like an onset of a cold, and the sore throat never goes away. It might be the effect of quitting, but I'm more watchful of what I eat, and of course, loading lots of Vitamin C.

Monday, July 28, 2014

Day 6

It's non-working holiday today, and I'm still at the boyfriend's home in the city.

Woke up quite early for my early morning coffee. It was only now I realized that I always look for an open space to look out on when I have my morning coffee. After I prepared, I quickly opened the balcony doors and indulged at the sunny morning.

We had eggs and leftover sarciado for breakfast. It was a lazy day so I just re-heated lasagna and toasted some bread for lunch while we watched TV. I was feeling quite uneasy, I'm blaming it on PMSing. Whenever I feel bored previously, I always take five. But I didn't reason that out. I'm letting my brain believe that this feeling is just some monthly female hormonal issues. Thus, smoking is not an option.

We had steamboat dinner which was a treat by his brother. Since we ate so much, we took a slow walk to his home.

Tomorrow's start of the work week. It's going to be challenging, again.

Sunday, July 27, 2014

Day 5

Woke up feeling a bit under the weather. I woke up with my throat dry and I was having difficulty swallowing.

The boyfriend's kind enough to take care of me, gave me medicines, and cooked breakfast for us.

We went to Chinatown for some sight-seeing and of course, eating. We had some German sausages, and we met up with his brother for some dimsum and dumplings late lunch.

At night, the brother cooked dinner of tom yum soup and sarciado which we devoured while watching a movie.

I could get used to not smoking, even not thinking about it. I'm surrounded with good people.