Day... (Losing Count)

According to my Quit Counter, I'm already on my 27th day.

So much things have happened on those days I forgot to put into writing. Am I successful so far? Let me go through what have happened the previous days.

I have a confession to make. On the 15th day, I had a Management Meeting. I already knew we shall be touching on subjects that are very crucial and quite sensitive. Someone (and something) pushed my button during the meeting which made me walk out of the room. I was shaking so bad, saw a colleague, and asked for a stick of cigarette. Then I just knew, I puffed a smoke after fifteen days! For a time, I never cared about the world. I was so frustrated that I just had to rebel.

I was still shaking after finishing a stick, but I came back to the meeting room. I presented my part and finished it till the end, just like how professionals do it.

I talked it over to the boyfriend. I was so disappointed at myself for being so weak and uncontrollable. I knew that this shall happen one day over the course of this quitting journey. What's important is that I learned from it. That's what he said.

On the 18th day, there was an early birthday party for the boyfriend's brother. Of course, there was drinking session. Hard-drinking session. Two bottles of Tequila. One small bottle of Jack Daniels and Johnny Walker each. For 5 of us. This was the official "drinking party" which I went into where I went home without even lighting a stick! I  was so proud of myself!

On the 25th day, while the boyfriend was washing the dishes after devouring our lunch, he looked at me while I was sitting at the stool near the kitchen window where I used to smoke. He looked at me while I was sipping my Yakult. He said, "Look at that. You're sitting on that stool again, and you're not smoking. You're just drinking your Yakult. I am just so proud of you!"

He was never vocal about these things, but he said it! He said it to me. He's proud of me! I just feel even moreso that this quitting is worth all the effort. I can win this.

Day 10

Ending the week was terribly tiring and yet the happiest I must say.

Work was overwhelming, then I had to renew my passport at the embassy. It sucks when I've always wanted to travel, and yet my passport doesn't have at least six months prior to expiry. So I renewed and luckily, the embassy even gave me one year extension on my passport! And that means, I can travel again!

I met the boyfriend at the city, and I gave him my long-time promise which I guess made him so happy. We had dinner at a Japanese restaurant. The main highlight of the day I guess, was when the server asked if we opt to have a smoking or non-smoking area. I immediately said, "non-smoking please."

I was having a slow clap inside my head. I am just too proud of myself.